my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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