What a fucking waste of an outfit
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
