So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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