and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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