So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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