he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
