He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize