I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
