I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
