Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
