Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
