I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
