that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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