I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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