as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
