my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
