I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
