D3 body, D1 cock
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
