census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
