We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
