The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
