I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
