Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
