That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
