When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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