It was confusing and full of hummus
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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