You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
