True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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