i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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