Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
