I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize