i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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