When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize