i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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