Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
