I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
