So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
