: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
