he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
