VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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