I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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