Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
