You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
