he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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