Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
