i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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