I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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