So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
