Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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