We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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