Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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