so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My bed smells like the plague
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
