Can Purell be used as lube?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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