I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Send help, water and tortillas.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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