so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
