I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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