So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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