NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
