I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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