You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
