On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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