Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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