I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
