i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
