I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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