You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
