Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
