i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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