I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
