Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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