what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
