Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she smelled like a LAN party
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
