so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
