Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
