is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
