OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
