my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
