I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
