Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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