Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
