She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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