Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
