Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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