You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
