Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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