Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
