i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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