You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
