the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
