Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
