I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
