I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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