Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
