they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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