I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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