I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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