Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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