Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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