I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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