Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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